Spam Better

A Discussion on Spam & Email Marketing

Thursday, September 6, 2007


How kind of him to think of me in this little endeavor. I have to say that they are at least getting better and trying a little harder with this one. They even have a link. Pretty soon they will have full sites that have forms to enter in your information that actually look like they are legit.

Who teaches them English? I think it would be great to send a bunch of volunteers over to Africa to teach spammer English. Wouldn't it be great to teach them the wrong words to use when asking politely. Example: Instead of "FROM THE DESK OF:MR.STANLEY LAWSONNNPC Towers, Central Business " they would put "FROM THE DESK OF BAD MOTHA, Central Business" or instead of "I got your contact from the foreign office of theNigerian Chamber of Commerce and Industry" they could be told how to really tell where the info came from, "Yo I got yo contual info from my bro under at the Nigerian crack house dat I wove."

FROM THE DESK OF:MR.STANLEY LAWSONNNPC Towers, Central Business District,Herbert Macaulay Way,P.M.B. 190, Garki, Abuja.Cablegram: Napetcor
Dear Sir,
I am Mr. Stanley Lawson,(GED, FINANCE & ACCOUNTS),Procurement and ContractAward with the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation(N.N.P.C),FederalRepublic of Nigeria. I got your contact from the foreign office of theNigerian Chamber of Commerce and Industry. It is with trust that I wish tocontact you on this matter concerning the transfer of US$35.5 MillionDollars. Sometime ago, a contract was awarded by my Corporation(NNPC) toAlliance Oil International,USA for Service, Turn Around Maintenance andRehabilitation Work on Kaduna/Warri Refinery and Petrochemical Company(KRPC) Plant in Nigeria contract No; NNPC/EPR/104/PED/2004, This contractwas over invoiced by us to the tune of US$35.5 million (Thirty-fiveMillion, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars)Only.
Myself and my colleagues have unanimously agreed to transfer the Fundsinto an accomodative Foreign Bank Account for disbursement and investmentpurposes because the Federal Civil Service code of conduct Bureau does notallow us to operate any foreign account while in services.we have workedout all modalities and the machineries put in place for legal and safetransfer of the funds directly into your nominated bank account.We havelost some funds in the past in similar transfer but we repose trust in youbased on your profile and we need a mutual agreement for safe keeping ofthe funds.
Due to our sensitive position in our country and our retirementapproaching,we cannot afford a slip in this transaction. Contact meimmediately through my private E-mail address:( these information;
1. Complete Names/company2. Your direct telephone/fax numbers3. Your Contact/mailing Address
I shall use these information to update you with the original copies ofthe contract documents and for further negotiation on yourcompesation/percentage that you deserve in this deal. Please, note thatthis DEAL needs utmost Confidentiality pending when the moneyis credited into your account. I' am looking forward to your favorableresponse in this matter.
MR.STANLEY LAWSON.(Director of Procurement and Contract Award)GED,FINANCE&ACCOUNTS,NNPC.
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Thursday, August 30, 2007

Grace Smith with £50,700,000.00

Finally something a bit more than some random guy in Africa trying to give me millions of dollars. I wonder if anyone is keeping count of the dollar amount that they could have had if any of these ignorant foolish schemes actually had been fruitful. Imagine the billions you would have. I suppose that amount could be directly proporational to how well your spam filter works. And coincidentally you could apply an opportunity cost to the possible lost gains coming from these losers.

Ok enough with rambling on about analyzing the economic affect of worthless communications. Check this out. They at least tried something different. Perhaps I should inform "her" that this would be fraud and that I'm a bit weary of commiting a crime and being caught and that we should perhaps rob the bank instead.

Dear Sir,

My name is Grace Smith; I am 24 years old, from London -England,
where I school and work as a fashion designer for part time job do
after my school. I am the only daughter of my parents my father
died on a fatal auto accident on his way to see my sick mother at the
hospital where she was admitted for Cancer treatments,
she also die when she heard about the death of my father in same
day and hospital.

Before the death of my father, he had Willed part of his Real Estate
Business, Gas Stations and a total sum of £50,700,000.00 (Fifty
Million, Seven Hundred Thousand Pounds Sterling) to me. Now a this
death,and because things has become very hard for me paying my school
fees, putting food on the table and taking care of my other needs which
my fashion designer work I do as a part time work after my
school can’t help, I went to the bank where my late father deposited
the funds on my behalf to with draw money to take care of my self
and pay for my school fees and other bills.

I was shocked when the Bank Manager explained to me that I will
not be able to draw from the deposited money, because my father
had putting a clause on the Will, which he used in depositing the
funds with them, saying that before I will be given access to the
money, I will either have to be 30 years old or I will be given access
to the money, if I get married before the age of 30 , in which case,
my husband will be legible to collect the money on my behalf by
standing in as my late fathers next of kin to claim the deposited funds
on my behalf.

Today I am only 24 years old. And I have no access to the money
till I'm 30 years. So, I’m contacting you to standing as my husband
to claim this fund on my behalf if you are married already, you can
still help me by standing in as my late fathers next of kin to the
deposited funds. So, please get back to me as to know how you will
be remunerated as I will part with 40% of the total sum £50,700,000.00
(Fifty Million, Seven Hundred Thousand Pounds Sterling),while 10%
will be mapped out for any expenses that we're to use to receive the
money from the deposited Bank.

Please remember that I am writing you this email purely on the
ground of trust so we can achieve this deal together. This transaction
will last for two weeks after you get back to me on how serious you
are to claim these funds on my behalf. Please reply to my alternative E-mail:

Yours Truly,
Grace Smith

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Spam Done Right Even If Its Wrong

At least this spammer has taken effort to create something that normal person would at least look at. Sure its still an image email that is there to try to avoid the spam filters but at least they tried to look legit.

So what to do next time?

Try some additional text that will add value and I'd recommend actual text. That being said try to leave the spammy vocab at home leave out what you are really talking about and try to sound personal. Establish an emotional connection. If you are going to be spamming try to at least look like you aren't. Take a look at Neiman Marcus. Sign up on their list and see how they do it. Those are email campaigns done right.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Enlarging and I Don't Mean Copies

I realize that it is getting harder to spam but please at least try something that might appeal to the masses. Really... Does this really work for a percentage of the population? Who clicks on this? Why did they choose this URL?

Lets talk about that URL did they close their eyes and count to seven? At least make an attempt at something that resembles what you are talking about. Come on now. You have to at least try.

Is the reach so great on this crap that you can practically write anything you want and have people purchase your stuff?

I wonder...

Could you replace this with an offer for used coffee grounds, freshly shredded paper or something else that has no value? I'm sure the answer to this is that you simply have to find a target that is desperate.

Maybe the best business ideas are the ones that focus in on the desperate and that take advantage of it by simply stating "You're desperate. We know it. It must be horrible to be you. Want to be someone else? Buy this product."

You could take this into your own marketing campaigns and possibly increase your response. Maybe Dudley Moore in Crazy People was right. You just have to tell the truth. The brutally honest truth.

Volvos - Their boxy but their good.
Sony - Our electronics are made by asians who are much shorter and can see the electronics better unlike caucasian made electronics. Caucasions are just too tall to be able to see what they are doing.
Jack Daniels - Feeling like the world hates you? It does. Go ahead. Drink alone tonight.
Mad Dog 40/40 - Hood all shot up? Get drunk and bus some caps up in da hizzle tonight ite.

Damn I just thought of another blog to start.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Leonard my good ole friend with MegaDik

Well, I really have to thank Leonard for thinking of me in sending this over. Or maybe not. Damn it Leonard.

I'm thinking that I need the opposite of this product but thats ok. thanks for taking the time for sending the offer over. Maybe I should introduce Leo to some of my other friends with some good drugs.
Thank you spammers for taking up some of my time with this worthless crap. I would also like to hunt down the fraction of the percent of the people that make this type of thing worth while. How do we find them? Who is really interested in MegaDik? Is it you? If it is I'd like to sell you a crap load of MegaGetAFukinLif.